Sunday, January 1, 2017

Five things I hate about warming weather

           Even though I’m one of the first people to put on giant wool sweaters and beg for snow come November, I’m also someone who loves warm weather. In my perfect world there would be warm spring days, hot summer days, warm fall days, and sunny snow covered winters. But I live in Ohio and thanks to the rotation of the Earth and that pesky jet stream, I know the only thing I can count on is variable weather and mud.
            If I could flip a switch from winter to summer, I would. For me, spring is a time when I just want things to hurry up. Once the snow is gone I am ready for heat and the three-month transition is just painfully long. I try to pass the time by rushing the season, er, preparing myself for the temperature changes. I do things like putting away all of my boots and pulling out summer clothes, cleaning the cinders and salt stains out of the floor mats of my car, and buying flowers that I have to cover because of the frost warnings.
            And because I know that the very second I take the flannel sheets off the bed we will get snow, and the very day I pack away my hats and gloves I will have to dig them out to wear while mowing the lawn, I decided to use reverse psychology on the climate control to bring us all a little sunshine (let’s hope Mother Nature isn’t reading this) and am sharing five things I hate about warming weather.
1.     None of our shorts fit. The kids all have a decent excuse for theirs not fitting, but adults really do not. Every year we take them out and it’s as if the fibers themselves have shrunken in the darkness of the winter and I spend a good five minutes squatting in my closet trying to make each pair comfortable again.
2.     I am reminded of the color of my actual skin. After months of hiding beneath denim and leg hair, exposure to the world is fairly shocking.
3.     The extra daylight and sunbeams highlight all of the dust that has been collecting in my house. Spring-cleaning would never have to happen if we lived in constant darkness, would it?
4.     I have to deal with all of the thermostats in the car and the house because somehow, 70 degrees in the winter is different than 70 degrees in the summer.
5.     I have to clean the grill and all of the porch furniture so we can sit outside and enjoy the nice weather we have been so very impatiently waiting for.
And with that written down for all to see, maybe we can actually get a taste of some climbing mercury, pack away those flannel sheets, and give our skin the sweet taste of sunlight.


Originally written 5.15.16

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