Friday, December 21, 2007

Mostly baby with a 50% chance of a girl…or a boy

By Karrie McAllister

“Do you know what you’re having?”
If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me that question, I could afford to pay for a whole gamut of tests to positively confirm the gender of my child.
Instead, I give a smart aleck answer. “Hopefully a human baby.”
And then I explain that although I had plenty of chances to find out, my husband really wanted to be surprised this time around and wait until the “hopefully human baby” makes its debut as a boy or a girl.
Believe me, I wanted to know before hand so that I would only have to unpack and wash half of the baby clothes and so that we could only argue about one name instead of two. I also didn’t want to have to purchase any uni-sex baby clothes, those yellow and green jobs that make strangers nervous to ask anything using pronouns.
But I digress.
The fact that we do not know the sex of the baby also brings about a fantastic list of old wives tales that people just swear by. Evidently, no matter how kooky the old wives tale, they are usually correct 50% of the time. Go figure.
So in this, my last week of pregnancy, I thought I’d share a few of my favorite tales with you all:
Pull down the skin under your left eye and look at your eyeball. If you see a vein that looks like a V or branches, you will be having a girl. I did this, and all I saw was living proof that I’m tired and haven’t had a restful night’s sleep in weeks.
If your legs resemble tree trunks, it's a boy. If they are trim and fit, it's a girl. And just who is going to tell me that my legs look like tree trunks? Guaranteed someone who will walk away with a plenty of veins in their black eye.
If you can’t tell from the back that a woman is pregnant, it’s a boy. If a woman gets wide all over, it’s a girl. Again, I ask, who (besides someone looking to get slugged) is going to tell me, “wow, your girth is really something. Must be a girl.”
If you crave the heels of bread, you will have a boy; if you like the middle, it’s a girl.. What if you crave the whole loaf? Toasted with lots of butter? Because that’s what I’m craving these days.
If you ask a mother to show you her hands and if she shows them palms up, it's a girl; palms down, a boy. But what about if she shows you them while holding a cup of coffee? Or a piece of toast? (I actually would show you my hands palms up, if you’re keeping track…)
If a woman is carrying the baby high, it’s a girl; low, it’s a boy. But what if that woman is having her third child and everything is so stretched out that it would be physically impossible for anything to be high?
Ask a mother to pick up a key. If you've picked it up by the thinner end, you're having a girl. Picking it up by the bottom, rounder part means a boy is on the way. Or more realistically, if you pick up the key and run out to the car yelling, “hurry up! We’re going to be late!” chances are you’ve got other kids and are just lucky you remembered to take your keys before locking yourself out of the house.
Girls will steal their mother’s beauty, boys will make a woman feel more beautiful. Well, depends on whether your eyes are bloodshot, your legs look like tree trunks and you require a “wide load” sign to walk down the sidewalk.
If a mother is moody and short-tempered, it’s a girl; if she’s happy and cheerful, it’s a boy. I’ll leave this one up to you, readers!
Place your bets and results will be posted shortly.

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